Sega Master System / Mark III / Game Gear
Schwarzennegger? PATRICK MCCARTHY reckons he could take him apart with both hands tied behind his back (Arnold's hands, that is]. But what's that gat to do with TERMINATOR on the Master System? Erm... not much, actually.
Is there anybody out there who doesn't know the plot of The Terminator? Oh God - there's always one. Alright then, here we go again. Young Billy Williams is a very lucky lad indeed. His eccentric inventor of a grandfather has made him his very own Sherilyn Fenn android to do whatever he pleases with. Now he's the envy of all his friends, and is constantly getting into android and sexual malpractice-related japes. The first film that was made about young Billy Williams was a cult smash in the cinema world, and ended with the famous catch phrase, spoken by the panting Sherilyn Fenn android to young Billy: "Oil me back."
You are young Billy Williams, and you have to fight your way through 96 levels of jealous friends in order to be first in the queue to coax the Sherilyn Fenn android to fruition. They don't care how they stop you either - it's going to be pretty rough out there. (You're making this up. Ed.) Well, let's face it - if you haven't seen the film by now, you're not interested in it... and if you have, you'll know the plot.
People often talk about 'learning curves' when discussing computer games. A gentle learning curve lets you find out how to deal with baddies or traps a bit at a time - there'll be an easy version to start with, and a harder one later on in the game. A sharp learning curve means you either pick things up pretty quickly or you die pretty quickly. Terminator doesn't have a learning curve at all - it has a vertical wall. So the answer to the above question is "What".
Neoprene. It's a fine material, neoprene, and using it effectively will get you far further in life than all that natural fibre nonsense. Actually, what am I on about? Oh yes - Terminator is a good, old-fashioned tricky game. It's hard work from the word go. Duck when you throw your bombs at the baddies and they'll duck too... and shoot you. Stand up and throw your bombs, then duck to avoid being shot, and someone behind you will duck and shoot you. Try legging it through the screens and they'll out-run you, and if you jump over them they'll be standing where you land. It all makes for addictive stuff, but be warned - it's dashed hard work. The graphics are okay, but nothing to wet your pants over, and the sound is workmanlike without being outstanding. But the gameplay is infuriatingly tricky and poses a genuine challenge. Don't buy it if you don't like playing something again and again until you get it right.
TERMINATOR: out in August from Virgin on Master System, price £tba